Sitting up in my boyfriends room, taking my time working out how long my tablets are gonna last me, because I always feel so awkward when I’m downstairs and with his flat mate and his other mate watching the football, and talking about everything. I feel so awkward and I hate it. I feel like I’m in the way and none of them want me there. Spare part. I try to put it past myself every time, but I honestly can’t find it in me today. Close to crying cause I’m so annoyed with myself that I’m letting it bother me this much.
And best thing is this is one of the last times I’m seeing him for over a week, but watching football with his mates who he sees every day is more important. I’ve been here for an hour now and only seen him for about 2 mins.
And to top it off, he’s on a stag do this weekend, but apparently he’s out on Sunday night too, in Edinburgh?! Thanks for telling me that Christopher.
My stomach hurts, my throat hurts and my eyes sting. Shit mood.
You realise that actually you’re a completely separate part of his life. When he’s with his mates, he really doesn’t want anything to do with you. No wonder I always feel like I’m getting in the way when you don’t even bother to text me back or return my calls when you’re with your mates. Didn’t think that was too much to ask for. I don’t want to constantly be with you, or constantly talk to you, but I constantly want to know you’re there and that you care. Because when things like this happen, it really doesn’t feel like you do as much as you say you do. Sitting beside you, and it doesn’t feel right. You’re in a mood, because I moaned, and yes I know I’m being childish for ignoring you whenever you speak, but it’s horrible, isn’t it? When you know you’ve said something and someone’s heard it/seen it, and you don’t hear back. It hurts. Today we’ll have been together 9 months, and we’ve fell out.
I even took my necklace off to see if you would notice, and you haven’t said anything. Just really feels like you’re getting bored of me now. Maybe I should just leave now and give you the peace and freedom you’re obviously wanting.
THIS. Last night especially. FUCK YOU CHRISTOPHER.